One-Mind Tracks: Creepy Age Gap

Rock songs have a storied history of some super creepy references to enjoying the company of people much different ages than the singer. Below are just a few of those tracks.

"Sweet Little Sixteen" by Chuck Berry
Long before Ted Nugent was being creepy with "Jailbait," etc., Chuck Berry was singing the praises of sixteen year olds. Which would have been way less creepy had he not been arrested for transporting a minor across state lines for allegedly "immoral purposes."

"Younger Girl" by The Lovin' Spoonful
Much as The Beach Boys would steal "Sweet Little Sixteen" for "Surfin' U.S.A.," "Younger Girl" is an uncredited adaptation of "Prison Wall Blues" (by Cannon's Jug Stompers). This creepy piece found its way onto the very first Lovin' Spoonful album.

"Outside Villanova" by Eric Hutchinson
What is there to say about this song that it doesn't say itself in "she's getting older and legal soon" and "some girl that I'd be forgetting by the time the cops came by that afternoon"?

"Lolita" by Miniature Tigers
Loosely based on the most creepy age gap story of all time: Lolita, this track seems to be based more on the 1997 film than the book, but it can't be left off of the playlist.

"I Saw Her Standing There" by The Beatles
No, I don't know what you mean about her being seventeen. Please elaborate. Okay, so in it's original context, there's nothing wrong with this song, since Paul McCartney was around that age when he wrote it. But I really don't enjoy hearing men 25+ asking me if I know what they mean about the underage girl they saw standing there.

"You're Sixteen (You're Beautiful And You're Mine)" by Ringo Starr
Speaking of which, why Ringo? I understand that this song is a classic written by The Sherman Brothers (the Mary Poppins guys) and originally recorded by Johnny Burnette when he was 26. No one was anywhere near sixteen when this song was written and recorded. But still, Ringo was thirty-three when he recorded it. Ick.

"Young Girl" by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap
Gary Puckett sings this song about a man who decides to blame this girl for seducing him despite her age, although it's still pretty obvious that they were lovers. Let's just hope composer Jerry Fuller didn't write it from experience.

"The Man With The Child In His Eyes" by Kate Bush
As with many songs by Kate Bush, the exact meaning of this song was unclear for years. In 2010 however, it was revealed that it was (at least in part) about her relationship with Steve Blacknell, a man six years her senior (they dated when she was around seventeen), that she evidently saw childlike qualities in.

"Don't Stand So Close To Me" by The Police
All I can say is, it's a lucky thing Sting had The Police on his side when he wrote this song about a young teacher's inappropriate relationship with a student. Ecspecially seeing as he was a young teacher before the band took off. He even name checks Vladimir Nabokov, author of Lolita. Yikes.

"My Sharona" by The Knack
Doug Fieger met a girl named Sharona Alperin when he was 25 and she was 17. After a year of courtship (and getting rid of his girlfriend and her boyfriend), the duo dated for four years. In the first few months of knowing her, he was inspired to write many songs and to "get it up for the touch of the younger kind." Bandmate Berton Averre didn't want to use Sharona's real name, but Fieger insisted that he wanted it to relay exactly how he felt.

"Maggie May" by Rod Stewart
Alright, here's a song that's pretty much the opposite of every other song on the list. Instead of a creepy older dude, it's a creepy older woman seducing a young schoolboy Rod Stewart who is also narrating the song. According to Stewart, "Maggie May" was based on the real woman he lost his virginity to.

"She Doesn't Get It" by The Format
The main focus of this song seems to be the fact that the guy has an emotionally difficult time having a one-night stand, but why is "New Religion" familiar to the narrator and yet long before the girl was born? Granted, lead singer Nate Ruess was born the same year that song came out, so it's probably more of a cultural thing.

"Sweet Young Thing" by The Monkees
This one isn't that creepy...well, he's yielding before the wisdom of a "child." But there are definitely creepier songs than this Carole King, Gerry Goffin, and Michael Nesmith-penned piece. Still, the narrator is way too obsessed with the "Sweet Young Thing."

"Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon" by Neil Diamond
Should we worry about the fact that Gary Puckett also did a cover of this song? Neil Diamond wrote it to his young fans, but something seems a little off about the sentiment to me.

"Infant Kiss" by Kate Bush
Award for creepiest song goes right here. Kate Bush wrote this song based on the movie The Innocents. In the film, a young governess is putting a child to bed and he kisses her passionately because he's possessed by the spirit of a man who haunts the house.

Find them all below:

Know any more songs about a creepy age gap? Tell me what they are in the comments.

One-Mind Tracks: Self-Love

Just as a word of warning, this post is not G-rated.

When I got the idea to do this compilation, I had completely forgotten that May is National Masturbation Month, but how fitting! There are a ton of songs about love and sex, but a slightly smaller subcategory of songs about masturbation and privates (men like to sing about their boy parts a lot, actually). These are some of my favorite songs about self-love. I've even made you a Youtube playlist!

My Ding-a-Ling by Chuck Berry
I was planing on leaving this novelty tune off of the playlist until I heard this amazing live version. Chuck Berry apparently has an amazing sense of humor, as well as some pretty liberal ideas about sexuality. This song passed the censors of the day because it's "about a toy." Apparently this track got a lot of play on Dr. Demento, and it's not hard (tee hee) to see why. Not only is this song a great introduction to this playlist, but it's a great reminder that this sort of song can be fun, and there's nothing wrong with that.

In Quintessence by Squeeze
"In Quintessence" is not exclusively about masturbation, but it is about a fifteen-year-old boy, so there is the inevitable "In the corner with his book and tissue//all he can do is pretend to miss you//Closes his eyes as he sees her body//pulls funny faces and that's his hobby." It's also a fantastic song, both musically and lyrically.

Billy Liar by The Decemberists
In a similar vein, "Billy Liar" is about a boy's boredom during which he seems to spend a good deal of time with his pants/knickers down. "Billy Liar" comes from an English novel about a boy with an active imagination. Apparently the song character, however, imagines mostly one thing.

I Touch Myself by The Divinyls
Everyone's favorite, blatant song about masturbation can't be left out. The Bens (Ben Folds, Ben Kweller, and Ben Lee) also did a pretty amusing cover of it, but as this playlist shows, men touching themselves is a lot more commonplace anyway.

Captain Jack by Billy Joel
Billy Joel wrote this song about the teens in the housing project across from his apartment, who bought a kind of heroin called "Captain Jack." But because he's Billy Joel, it's not just an accusation or judgement on these teens. He imagines what it's like to be a poor teen, including, yes, the masturbation. It's a pretty depressing song all-in-all, it kind of gives the playlist bad vibes, but I love Billy Joel, so I can't leave this one out.

U + Ur Hand by P!nk
While this isn't really a song about masturbation, this feminist rock-anthem does center around P!nk telling a guy to self-service because he isn't getting anything from her.

She Bop by Cyndi Lauper
It's a nice change to hear a woman sing about self-love, since it almost seems like a pastime reserved for men, at least according to media. But Lauper sings openly about "she-bopping" and is adorable whilst doing so. She also reminds us that "She bop, he bop, a we bop//I bop, you bop, a they bop."

Dancing With Myself by Billy Idol
When I was younger, not only did I used to get Billy Idol and Billy Joel mixed up, but I also argued until I was blue in the face that this was just a fun pop tune. But the more research I do, it's probably about "dancing" with yourself. Especially when you see Idol's body language in the video. Still a great song, and a great addition to the playlist.

Turning Japanese by The Vapors
The internet loves to argue about this one, but at least three of the interpretations have to do with masturbation, so I'm calling it. Apparently it's actually about a guy who loses a girl and is so overcome by grief that he becomes someone else, but Urban Dictionary says otherwise.

Pictures of Lily by The Who
A boy has trouble sleeping until his father gives him a picture to stick on his wall. The implication is that something about this pin-up girl causes the narrator to be able to relax himself. He also says he falls in love with Lily. Pete Townshend got the idea for this song after seeing a picture of Lily Bayliss on his girlfriend's wall.

Pink Thing by XTC
Andy Partridge penned this unusual homage to his penis. In actuality, the song is built to have a dual meaning. Yes, it's about his penis, but hidden beneath that is the fact that it's about his son. You follow me? Because I barely do. Partridge and his wife apparently called their son "pink thing" when he was a baby, and Partridge wanted to write a song about his son without it being cheesy. Thus, he gave it a wax overcoat of being about a penis. It works.

Fingers by P!nk
Trust P!nk to make it on this list twice. Apparently her record company wants to make it really hard to get to this song. That's not coming from research, it's from experience. P!nk was going to include this on I'm Not Dead, then changed her mind, then released it on the platinum version of I'm Not Dead, so you have to buy the whole deluxe album to get it, and then I can't add it to this Youtube playlist because it's only viewable on its own. Anyway, it's about P!nk not getting enough from her boyfriend, so she has to finish the job herself. Very sexy tune, and a perfect wrap for this playlist.


Got any more? I'd love to hear them!